The Legacy of Tegan Cleverhands, or Reva Nu

Numb.

The grief that Tegan feels is strange. It looms over them, a known absence present within their mind. And yet, at the same time, it feels distant, as though the grief actually belongs to another.

It is a loss that hit them before they even got the chance to know what they had lost… No, that is not quite correct. They did know, long ago, but those days are gone.

It is a trail of fragmented memories. Words and images bubble to the surface of their mind, but they are disordered. They have been told a lot, and remembered some things on their own, but they still cannot recall his face.

It is the pain of searching for something, only to find out they would never be able to find it again. And now they cannot even find the emotions to feel. They don’t know what they’re searching for.

All they can feel, as they look upon the grave, is…

Numb.

Tegan knew Kalis. They know that they knew Kalis. The two of them were close. They lived together, chatting every morning before work, and speaking long into the nights as the stars shone down upon them. Kalis was their guide when they were first created, teaching them the way the world worked.

The two of them were close.

And then Tegan died.

Attacked and left for dead in the Corico desert, under orders of the Aldon-Jure Corporation. Their body survived, of course. But they had lost their life. All the memories of who they had once been were gone, other than a single name that wasn’t even theirs.

It was over fifty years before they started to remember Kalis. They searched for him, as he had apparently searched for them when they first went missing. They wanted to reunite. But it was already too late.

Reva stands by their side, a hand upon their shoulder. He says something, but Tegan doesn’t seem to hear the words. Tindrie and Tasa also stand nearby. It was Tindrie’s suggestion that the four of them come here. She does most of the talking at first. After all, she is the one who remembers the most about Kalis, even though the two drifted apart.

But eventually, all four of them lull into silence. It is a silence that seems to stretch for an eternity.

Tegan requests to be left alone for a while, and the others leave them be. They kneel down in front of the grave. They force themself to be present in this moment, to feel the reality of the situation as a weight upon them.

They are silent for a long time, wanting to speak but not being able to find the words. Eventually, they manage to speak, their voice quiet. Only two words emerge: “I’m sorry.”

They want to say more. Sorry for disappearing. Sorry for making you worry. Sorry not only for forgetting you, but for forgetting myself too, so that you could not even find me. Sorry that I wasn’t around for a lifetime. Sorry that I remembered too late.

But none of those words emerge. Instead, they stare at the grave, bearing only Kalis’s name, in silence. They let the silence hang. They allow it to envelop them as they kneel alone. And then, they break it, by repeating their words once more: “I’m sorry.”

They reach into their pocket, pulling out a stone marked with colourful lichens. They place it upon the grave. Then they stand. They take one final look at the grave and the stone before turning and walking away.

Written by Aric S.